#11 Catching up PLUS Reviews!!!

Hey Dudes and Dudettes! How's it flippin'?! :P

It's been an H-E-double C-K of a long time since I've updated this and you're probably thinking:

"You're so hot. Date me"

Whoa! Easy! This is a clean blog people! ;)

All joshin' aside, I haven't really gotten around to updating this for 6 Major Reasons:

1.) I've moved home from the University for summer vacation! Yahhooo!! :)

2.) I don't have internet at home currently :( Yeah it stinks, but I'm grateful for everything else I have!

3.) I've been travelling all over the state to keep up with my friends from school. They're da BeSt!

4.)My Pelvis was crushed in a car accident. I had reconstructive surgery and am glad that everyone is ok!!!! 

5.) I was raped by my mom's boyfriend post-surgery, which rebroke my pelvis and required another operation.

6.) I'm ADDICTED to the New season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians! I mean Khloe; can you even believe her?! :P

In other news, I've been receiving a lot of reviews about my blog! SOOOOO exciting! 

Not everything was good, but you know, you take things with a grain of salt and you get better :)

Here are some things people have said! 

"Your blog is about porpoises..."

-Kaitlin Shultz

"I'll look at it later."

-Cat Abood

"That's funny! Oh, I wasn't talking about your blog. 

 I was thinking about something that happened in the Hangover 2."

-Nate Dicken

"Don't mention me in it."

-Carole Ivan

"Patrick, I said that I would look at it later. Let go of my arm."

-Cat Abood

"Your blog rocks! Can I go now?"

-Sam Stefanak

"Please. You don't have to do this. 

People will be looking for me."

-Cat Abood  (R.I.P)

"Patrick. I know you know where Cat is.

Please... We need closure."

-Sarah Hess (R.I.P)

"Hey man. Sorry to hear about what your 

mom's boyfriend did to you. How's your pelvis?"

-Luke Null

"I don't care that you're already hurt.

That's what makes it feel so good."

-Mom's boyfriend

"Why can't you just give us

closure?! Oh and I really like your blog 

by the way. Cetaceans? Pretty neat stuff!"

-Mary Abood (R.I.P)

Great to know that I ACTUALLY have readers! 

My next post will hopefully be more informative, and who knows? It might have to do with other animals I find interesting (creepy crawlies, anyone?) I'm not just a one trick pony, ya know! haha lol jk :P

C U L8r! 

<3 Ready2Write :)

FUN FACT #11:

- "The Cove" is a documentary about the poaching/slaughter of dolphins by Japanese fisherman and NOT a love story about Dakota Fanning learning life lessons from a disabled dolphin while on vacation with her foster parents. Either way, I came buckets.

#10 A History Lesson

'Sup guys!
Haven't posted in a while so I thought this time I'd fill you in with a quick lesson in sea mammal history!
Porpoises haven't always been as cute and playful as they are today. If you believe in evolution (meaning you aren't some no-life, corn-fed, inbred, retarded scumcunt) you will find this very insightful!

During the Miocene epoch, the time period that ranged from about 23 million to 5 million years ago, there lived one of the earliest cetaceans, Eurhinodelphis. It was very similar in size to porpoises and dolphins of today, reaching a little over 6 feet long. What was so interesting about it? Its snout (or beak in cetacean terms) was elongated like that of the bill of a swordfish and was very sharp, which it used to swipe at prey. This menacingly dangerous protrusion was not the only thing that made it terrifying, though.
















According to this artist's depiction, it also was also colored with cheap rose art colored pencils and had Gilbert Gottfried eyes...

Wow. Gilby's eyes are more Gilbert Gottfried-y than Gilbert Gottfried's

I didn't know sea mammals could have down syndrome!

Probably better that it's extinct then, huh?

Have a great week!

:P

FUN FACT #10:

- Sometimes when I think about porpoises, my gums bleed.

#9 .,-*^*-,..,-*^*-,. Inspiration .,-*^*-,..,-*^*-,

I hope you guys are enjoying my poetry lately! I don't want to over do it with all of these poetic entries, but I became VERY inspired the other day to write a poem that I think y'all will enjoy!
A lot of my poetry may be very serious in tone, but I can write happy poetry to0! :)

Summer Sassin'

By Patrick White :)

Sittin' outside

lemonade in hand

you say 

"Hey, I'm going in"

"No!" I say

I'm fun and feisty

I'm always

Summer sassin'!

Sittin' in doors

on the couch

you say

"Hey turn the tv back on! I was watchin' that!"

"No!" I say

It's so nice outside

Don't look now! I'm

Summer sassin'!

Lowerin' into the ground

Mom says 

"Patrick, your father loved you very much"

"No!" I say

It's too nice outside to just be layin' 'round!
Don't be a bozo! Start

Summer sassin'!

You are why I cut.

Have a great day, ya'll!

<3 Pat! :)

FUN FACT#9:

-Porpoises are very playful and are very friendly towards human interaction! But, they are still wild animals, so remember that they deserve their space ;P

#8 Solid Poetry.

Hey y'all ;p
How are you doing? How was your day?
 I just ate a turkey wrap with HOT SAUCE! (yow)

~AnywH0z~
I thought I'd start incorporating some different things into this blog.
I've posted poetry before, but I would like to start posting pictures and then using said picture as inspiration for an on-the-spot poem!
I know, you're probably/most likely/definitely/please be saying,

"WHOA! How's he gonna do all that?! I love him a lot. 

He should call me more"

My answer to that is: 

"I would like to start calling you more" 

These pictures/poems won't necessarily always be about/of porpoises, but most will.
I'm gonna show you things you've never even thought about before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now...
A taste of what's to cum...

"Beneath the Mirrored Sky"

By Patrick White

Skimming the surface

It's all we know

Skimming the surface

What lyes below?

Beluga whales,Beluga whales

In the ocean.

They live in water

They don't need skin lotion.

"Sisters of Luna"

By Patrick White

In the night they cry

In our hearts they pry

Apart, they may live

Together, they will never die.

Sisters of the moon,

Sisters of the moon

They're just a bunch of kooky owl pals

actin' like buffoons. 

*** NOTE ***

-Some poems I post may be from different authors!

"A Length from Grace"

By Maya Angelou

Through a speckled lid

the sun retrieves a dusty heart

The walk back to the passed

remembers us a length apart.

Struggling to rise

a song bird's song supports my back

Lifted by the smell of plum pie 

The little things that take me back

they fade into the speckled lids

The length from you, it grows again

A simple southern daughter

Who's favorite album is 

"Chocolate Starfish and

Hot dog flavored water" 

Rests upon a seat

like hurricane winds

her brown eye heaves

What's left in the water is grace

a holy cherub

an angel's face.

L8R :p

<3- Patty

FUN FACT #8:

-Porpoises can swim very quickly in water, but only when they are in it.

#7 The deal with dolphins

Ok, so you may have gotten the gist from reading previous entries that I am a tad hostile towards dolphins, which is COMPLETELY false! How could I not love something so similar to a porpoise?!
Oh wait...

3 REASONS DOLPHINS DESERVE HATE:

3.) Dolphins gang murder and rape porpoises:
Here is video documentation of a pod of dolphins mercilessly bludgeoning a baby porpoise to death, and then playing with its dead body.

Wildlife experts theorize that this behavior is caused by the small size of the porpoise. Apparently, dolphins are only killing porpoises because porpoises are smaller and dolphins confuse them for baby dolphins. THAT'S RIGHT. Male dolphins routinely kill other male dolphin's babies so that their infant can have more food. "Oops! Sorry I killed you, happy baby porpoise. In my defense, I just thought you were a happy baby dolphin"

Well THAT'S logical! Ok, Infanticidal dolphin, you are forgiven!

2.) Look at this dolphin:

It's eating the border terrier from There's something about Mary's face.

What? Killing your own babies isn't enough murder for you?

1.) The fuck? 

IN CONCLUSION:

Hypothetically- 

If I accidentally poisoned a dolphin or 400 by

slipping uranium particles into bait fish and dumping them

into a rescued dolphin sanctuary

like I did yesterday... 

I don't wouldn't feel that bad about it.

:p

See ya l8r,

BaTtyBoUtPoRpzz09 

FUN FACT #7:

- Due to its mix of black and white coloration, the American Porpoise is often mistaken from afar for a juvenile orca. Less often, it is mistaken for Mariah Carey or Blake Griffin.

#6 Some super fun pics!

Hey everyone!

Being the day after Cinco de Mayo, I'm sure no one is really wanting to read 

a whole lot (we've all been there, teehee!)

So I thought I'd do everyone a favor by taking a load off their minds with some pics of...

PORCUPINES!!! Haha :P Kidding! Porpoises! Check it out!

I know what you're probably thinking: "Why would he even post that picture?!"

Well I happen to LOVE Lisa Frank's artwork and I couldn't find any trapper keepers with porpoises on them so, as my mom always says, "y'all just gonna have to settle for bottle-nosed dolphins!"

Have a great weekend, guys!

-Pat! :)

FUN FACT #6:

-Porpoises are one of several species of cetacean that are susceptible to training in captivity.

You can see porpoises in shows at various Aquatic amusement parks!

#5 A Special Surprise!

I've got a VERY special surprise for all of you! :)
Today, my friend Gina and I did a collabo on a song about my most favorite Cetacean, the porpoise! I wasn't sure at first about how Gina felt about porpoises, but I knew I was in good company when she said, "What the fuck is a porpoise? How the fuck did you get into my house?!" Just follow the link to the audio file and enjoy!
"Summer Cetacean" By Patrick & Gina <3

http://soundcloud.com/nastytrick/summer-cetacean

Tootles,

 Pat!

FUN FACT#5:

- Porpoises hunt in groups of around 5-10 other porpoises. These families are known as "pods". Not all pods are small, though. There have been sightings of porpoise pods with up to 50 porpoises together at once! WHOA! Dolphins also live in pods, but no one gives a fuck about dolphins.